She did not look happy, did she? I look back to my prayer journal entries in the months leading up to seeing this sad little face. Psalm 25: 4-5, 12 were entered in January of 2009.Make me to know your ways, O Lord.
teach me your paths.
Lead me in your truth and teach me...
Who is the man who fears the Lord? Him will He instruct in the way he should choose.
If you go into adoption and are not afraid, you have not thought it through! You are changing many lives forever. You had better know it is God who is showing you the way and leading you. My fear has always been that I would make the same mistake Sarah did. Sarah got for herself a child in the culturally acceptable way of her time, but it was not God's perfect will. Instead she created chaos and pain for her servant, herself, her husband, her future biological son, and all generations since Ishmael was made into a great nation on his own. I never want to participate in forcing God's hand in this way.
Journal entries in February, March, April, May all asked for clear direction.
We saw her picture and file in May. We will not mention her special need here as it is private, but we were not intimidated for some reason. We consulted a specialist's office with the information we had and got some scary possibilities back from his assistant, but we decided to go ahead and apply. On Mother's Day evening my husband and I sat by our fire pit under the stars. My husband, Wes, said, " We will put a smile on that face." We head the phone ringing and I went in to answer it. It was the specialist saying we should not let her condition keep us from her. He knew it was fixable. Wow. What a great day to hear it!
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