Deep Yearning

For most of the time we have waited I have put thoughts of her in a closed area of my heart, just to keep from having it break every day that we cannot be with her. Now that we are so close that area has burst open. I can see her, imagine her in my arms, smell her hair, comb it and fix it for her. I can soon paint her fingernails and put pretty clothes on her. Soon I will give her the quilt and dress I have made for her and the lovely Asian Corolle doll that smells like vanilla. Soon I can sing to her and rock her to sleep. Soon, all of this will be a reality. Just as I always got emotional as the weeks counted down to delivering one of my biological babies, I was always close to tears.

I was awash in such emotions today as we heard about our church's team sent to Haiti. They mostly ministered to children and orphans. They met one little girl who had been sold by her mother to the local voodoo priest. He put her in a chicken coop and announced the day of her sacrifice. A church was able to buy her back. We saw her holding a teddy bear in the orphanage, rescued and safe.

Wes is so curious about Cori's personality and so ready to find out all of her likes and dislikes, the sound of her laugh and her cry. What makes her laugh? Will she like to ride up on his shoulders?

We are happy to know that our assistant pastor/connect group leader and his wife will soon have home their 4 year old daughter from China. How exciting to think they will be able to talk to each other. Two other children from Liberia should be joining our connect group families as well!

Corie turns three, still in China

We had prayed she would be in our arms by her third birthday, May 26. However, she was still there and we are still here. We have learned in our past adoptions that God's timing is never wrong, but waiting is still very hard.

And while we were not able to be with her, we were able to arrange for a cake to be delivered on her birthday!!! Amazing! We were able to send her pictures of her new family as well.

Of course, we thought of her all day.

A week later we received pictures of her enjoying her cake along with other children at the orphanage. We pray they are telling her about us. We pray she will feel she already knows us. And we pray those precious boys will have families soon as well.

Finally logged in...February 2010

Logged in still means many processes to go. Letter of Approval, Provisional I 800, Article 5. Now we are waiting for Travel Authority (TA) and then actual travel.

We have received these additional pictures of her as we wait.

It is hard to see how much she is growing without us.

The months tick on by

Christmas was hard. Our dossier was not even logged in in China, despite 7 months of work. It was Christmas without our daughter, knowing she was still so far away. My 24 year year old daughter gave us a beautiful ornament for Corie, a letter "C" covered in crystals. And by this time everyone would ask, "When do you get your new baby?"

It was months later when God gave us this picture of her, made in December. All bundled up, with soft hair and sweet cheeks. We are thinking of you, dear one, and we will be there as soon as we can.

The miracle of how we got this picture is amazing. My husband sent me a link to her orphanage. There was an option to join a Yahoo group that had adopted from there. When I signed on to join I had to enter her Chinese name. Low and behold, the moderator of the Yahoo group was our daughter's sponsor, so she had updates and this picture. Even our agency did not have this information.

Why are you doing this?

How many times we have been asked that question. I know many have even questioned our mental health. Others imply we have some sort of martyr thing going. That could not be farther from the truth. Then there is the implication we are being the opposite, selfish and unfair to our other children.

My pastor's wife and others in recent months have given a deeper understanding of Psalm 37:4, "4Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart. " Rather than as a promise we will get our heart's desires, it is that as we delight in Him, He will make His desires our desires. That has certainly been the case for us with adoption. He has laid on our hearts a deep desire to love another child who needs us.

And still, the doubts of others can make you doubt yourself. That was the case for me until, while attending a conference with my 15 year old daughter, God gave me the following quote by Frederick Buechner: " Neither the hairshirt not the soft berth will do. Vocation: The place God calls you to is the place where your deep gladness and the world's deep hunger meet."

Wow. I needed that.

What to name our new daughter

We had always felt called to the name Rachel and one of my dearest lifetime friend's middle name is Malia. Malia has flower meanings in almost all languages and since our Chinese daughters were Jena Rose and Lily, we wanted to have the subtle flower them in there.

Yet, day after day as we looked at that precious face on the refrigerator, we knew she was not a Rachel. Then God led us to the name.....Corin....meaning, a maiden. That plus Malia means " a maiden who looks like a flower."

God gave us such peace about it. We will call her Cori.

Our research indicates that Yi Hua means a magnolia flower.

But we still have not been chosen to proceed

On May 26, Jiang Yi Hua's second birthday, we were interviewed for 90 minutes. We were physically and emotionally drained when it was over and had no idea what kind of impression we had made. We knew the results of this interview would now be reviewed by a team of social workers to decide which family would proceed. We were 48 years old at the time, we already had 7 children, and while two had special needs, none had the same need as Yi Hua. Who were we kidding?

My journal asked, " Do not let the agency say yes if China will say no. Do not let the agency say yes if it is not your will."

Two days later, May 28th, our 26th wedding anniversary, the agency called to say they had chosen us. I did a u turn on a 5 lane road to go back to tell one of my children in person. Of course, I lit up the cell phone with calls. We were in breathless shock.

Now came the grinding paperwork, home study, dossier prep, and the knowledge that it would take at least a year to get her.

We go through the initial process

The agency had several families interested in Jiang Yi Hua. We were asked to fill out mountains of paperwork. They scheduled a conference call interview with us once the application and information had been reviewed. My journal has the following entry: " Lord, we trust your answer. We have peace that you are in control. May You alone control this decision for the best outcome for all. If the door is to be closed, let nothing and no one open it. If it is to be open, let nothing and no one close it."

Then God gave me these verses in my daily reading from I Samuel 17:37. " David said, 'The Lord who delivered me out of the paw of the lion and out of the paw of the bear, He will deliver me out of the hand of this Philistine."

How does that apply, God reminded me of all the times and ways He had opened the right doors, perfectly controlled timing, and closed the wrong doors. Will He not do the same in this?

On May 14 we received updated pictures of her. We were all smitten. Who wouldn't be???

There she was.....

She did not look happy, did she? I look back to my prayer journal entries in the months leading up to seeing this sad little face. Psalm 25: 4-5, 12 were entered in January of 2009.

Make me to know your ways, O Lord.

teach me your paths.

Lead me in your truth and teach me...

Who is the man who fears the Lord? Him will He instruct in the way he should choose.

If you go into adoption and are not afraid, you have not thought it through! You are changing many lives forever. You had better know it is God who is showing you the way and leading you. My fear has always been that I would make the same mistake Sarah did. Sarah got for herself a child in the culturally acceptable way of her time, but it was not God's perfect will. Instead she created chaos and pain for her servant, herself, her husband, her future biological son, and all generations since Ishmael was made into a great nation on his own. I never want to participate in forcing God's hand in this way.

Journal entries in February, March, April, May all asked for clear direction.

We saw her picture and file in May. We will not mention her special need here as it is private, but we were not intimidated for some reason. We consulted a specialist's office with the information we had and got some scary possibilities back from his assistant, but we decided to go ahead and apply. On Mother's Day evening my husband and I sat by our fire pit under the stars. My husband, Wes, said, " We will put a smile on that face." We head the phone ringing and I went in to answer it. It was the specialist saying we should not let her condition keep us from her. He knew it was fixable. Wow. What a great day to hear it!

Jiang Yi Hua when she was one year old