Thursday, June 30, 2011

Conundrum


Conundrum. What is this? Well, my brother-in-law ordered it the only time we ever went out as two couples. Easy answer....really nice table wine. Harder...a decision with more than two possible answers. My conundrum. And that of all moms. How to hold on loosely to your children.....especially to your older ones, while wanting to cling to them. How to breathe your children into your heart... only to tell them to fly away. How to trust God with them when they have taken another path..
A baby I got to care for at VBS was close to a clone of my daughter, Jessica, born over 25 years ago. It reminded me of the days I could hold her forever, breathe her in, kiss her cheeks.
Cori could not stop touching me today. She ran after me in the garage to tell me she loved me. By about 9 pm, with no hubby at home, I was over the physical contact. I now know that it was because I had Red Hots.....But how could I push her away when I know how quickly that will happen naturally?
The hospital in Ohio has given us a plan. No dates, just a plan. X rays of sacrum because that indicates the future of bowel continence, films of renal system, voiding cystogram, contrast enema, sedated exam by three specialties, urodynamics study with electrodes, blood work, gynecology attending sedated exam and meeting in clinic, 5 day bowel management study beginning with a 2 hours lecture followed by an abdominal x-ray, clinic with all three specialists, then a recommendations for her enema routine. Then we go to the hotel or Ronald McDonald house to do three days of the enemas while I record our results. Monday we report for the results and another x-ray and clinic. If they say surgery is needed we might be offered the opportunity to do it then.
It will be me and Cori for these 8 days plus travel. My precious husband cannot leave work and the other children for that long.
My personal conviction is that Cori will be successful with enemas but will need the urinary surgery. So, the prayer requests might be....."Grant complete insurance approval....grant federal approval status....make a way for all to be done at that visit.....mae it all as simple as possible, but equip for every possibility and grant grace to all!!! Show the glory of God in everything. Take great and precious care of all who remain in Fairview. You amde Jiang Yi Hua, Corin Malia Wright. You knit her together in her mother's womb She is fearfully and wonderfully made. You know the plans you have for her, plans to prosper her, not to harm her, to give her a future and a hope. Fulfill this great word for her!"

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

This time last year my biggest concern was getting to Cori. I was sewing these matching dresses as therapy to survive the months when I thought we would already have had her in our arms. Now I know God's timing is perfect. But now I know that even US pediatricians and endocrinologists have never seen her condition! So many people say, "Bless you for what you have taken on." We were clueless! So were the Chinese doctors and the first two US professionals! Do you really want to know in advance the trials and tests that will come your way?
We would have missed all of these precious faces if we had known all God knew.
Only two specialists in Cincinnati have seen her file and they want 8 days for diagnostics alone. If we had gone with the local urologist plan then we would lose the option of a bowel plan in the future.
In the final analysis, this is just a child. A brilliant and beautiful child, who was abandoned the days she was born. She needs some surgery. It is serious surgery. There is no "normal" for our children. You know what, I am not normal!!!! I am crippled, as Dr. Jim Henry so beautifully articulated this Sunday. It is easier to overlook the mental and spiritual and emotional wheelchairs we all ride in......but I have the unique blessing of being reminded every single day that I am not equipped . I offer nothing. I have nothing. And if I do not seek the throne of grace, then I am road kill. I have not one single second of personal victory. And yet I praise God! If I was adequate in any single way of my own self, I would not have to fall on my face before HIS throne. I am a goner. I am a failure. I offer nothing.
But I am so completely grateful that that condition throws me to the altar. It is my most earnest cry that all that I love find themselves unable to walk another day without the presence and Grace of God most high.

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Very very discouraging news today

We had hoped this massively talented and well trained guy who makes presentations to the best and brightest would be able to handle Cori locally. Not so. And he was realistic about her lifetime prognosis, I had to come home and go to bed. So, here we are. It took 15 months to get Cori out of China. It has taken 9 months for the locals to admit they are above their pay grade. And it will take about two weeks for the best and brightest to say what she needs....but we are also told she will never be normal. Never. Jena's mouth will never work right. She will never hear right. Lily may never overcome living in a police station, an orphanage, a hospital, a foster home, and then with us. But this day Cori's daddy held her and showed her the toys. He colored with her. He asked her if she was Daddy's girl, and while she colored his pictures and kissed him on the cheek, she said, " No, I am Mommy's girl." Again tonight, she woke us up in torture for her bottom is raw with urine. And all of our eyes are full of tears.